please me like you want to.

Newsflash, it has been strenuous for me to get my thoughts down in the past week. I blame my newly busy schedule and lack of "me" time. I suppose it was time for me to find other ways to consume my open schedule.

Don't do me any favors
Matter of fact why don't you
Do yourself a few

Your presence ain't nobody's blessing
I've got plenty of other things
I could do

This weekend has been quite hectic, to say the least. K. Lav came down for a nice little retreat with our traveling circus of a family, we stormed the town in a day, found the lost beat on the beach, and saw a test fail before my eyes.

Oh no, not another excuse
Your tired silly games
For me are just no use

But the game has been played for years and we know how it ends when I lose. This time around I can't take it to heart, yet I can't help it. Why repeat the outcome? Shouldn't the second try be better or, at the very least, prove to be the change that was coming all along? I try to play the easy-going, friendly card and still feel like the one jilted by a pelted stone--sent off with no destination, to hit the ground where ever physics determines it to fall.

And now it's plain for me to see
You're with somebody
That you don't want to be

I can't help but feeling like the sun was shining on my face and a dark cloud took the warmth away from me. I just want more of it, that warmth, that burning sensation on my skin that makes me feel alive.

So won't you
Please please me like you want to
Not like you have to
Or won't you just go on and leave me
Leaving me is the least that you could do

In Greenville, I got to spend some quality time with Caprice, himself. The guy I kinda liked once and fell out of like, and somehow salvaged an open friendship out of. One of the rare and few. We were talking about our love lives, the lack of it, the kind we yearn for, and well what we get in the process. He is in the situation of unrequited love that fails to find maturation and that right time, right place combination with the one he loves dearly. I am shocked to know that he has waited eight years for Ms. Caprice, herself. They have traveled the world together and apart, but are too stubborn to yield to the other person. She was in grad school, he went off to Colorado, she got a job in New York, he uprooted to Greenville. Apparently, they got the wrong place, wrong time down pat. At this point, it's clear, that someone has to force the cards in place because at the moment it's a game of war. One person puts a card down or a visit and the other picks it up. Continually.

You could have spared me
So much misery
And told me you just wanted
A friend

And I was telling Caprice the short version of this story. While picking the high parts and painting a faint sketch of the deep, dark tattoo over my heart. There it was. A drunken disaster. I confess,"I can't date I get too drunk."
He said,"Why? Do you get nervous?"
I replied,"I just panic and can't think of anything else to do."
I, then, proceeded to nurse what I thought was a hangover with a beer at lunch and take my fork to my pasta salad and mash it aggressively.
He chuckled and quipped,"Well if you need to go back to the condo and have some angry sex we can take care of that."
I rolled my eyes, and then answered,"What? I am not frustrated."

Believe me there is a difference
When you mean it
And when you pretend

I am trying to gauge whether or not to ask him to the Conway party. I mean I already asked D if he'd be my back-up date. Informed him of the potential dress I would be wearing and making sure he penciled in the event. I mean doesn't the understudy in the play know the lines and mannerisms of the character just as well as the lead? Poor D, bloody nose and all, was just exasperated with me and replied with, "OMG". I told him to just "chiiiiiiilllll" The selling points are 1)party, 2) booze, 3) destination, 4) yours truly, 5) i need an entertainment wingman to keep me from repeating another episode of runaway bridesmaid. Should be entertaining, indeed.

Or was I just your habit
Cause I know a habit
Is a hard thing to break

But won't you spare me
A little mercy
There's only so much
So much that I can take

So won't you
Please please me like you want to
Not like you have to
Or won't you just go on and leave me
Leaving me is the least that you could do