many the miles.

There's too many things that I haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something

Being in limbo can be fun, but for me it has been a complete twelve step program. Detoxing the undergrad lifestyle from my system. Success? I have yet to determine that. In retrospect, I have realized that my last two to three years spent at Clemson were a blur. The stories and numbered days of nights out and nights working coalesce together. I knock on wood, everyday, that my liver has not failed me, yet. As far as the measure of success, I figure I am still standing, capable of positive contributions to society, and free to explore my every whim. Allow me to posit this question to you...Where's the happy ending?

I made up my mind when I was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again I lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

I just keep praying that fate slams into me one day and everything falls into place. Unfortunately, that's far from the damn the truth. It is nice to get the gentle nudge every once in a while, maybe a clue. Fate isn't so overt and obvious, is it? (Yes, that was a Wiesman-ism). My position as unemployed, not tied down, free to roam is my low light. Everyone can say, "Christina you're really lucky. Just take your time." My luck leaves me feeling unfulfilled. My situation is a lesson to the future me about being thankful for the opportunity to work hard, but I just don't feel like I am making the most of what is at hand. I don't even know what I have, exactly.

I do what I can wherever I end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And I'm better for that

I am on the brink of a major decision. Decisions make changes. I need change. I yearn for the Upstate, again. I just don't enjoy the Low Country anymore. Life in Charleston after you leave is different. But, I might as well move in with P and take advantage of DC while he's still up there, right? We keep each other out of relative trouble or we just lay out against each other. But I need that. He's my best friend that's the hardest on me, except I will not be the resident relationship therapist. Hahaha.

Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood
Wishing that blue would just carry me away
I've been talking to God don't know
If it's helping or not
But surely something has got to got to got to give
Cause i can't keep waiting to live

So, here's today's plan. I am going to give it until the end of March for something to pan out in the Upstate. Should that fail me, I book a one way ticket to DC. Win-win for change, right Obama? Career-ness will have to take the back burner for a hot minute...to what? Perhaps a non-profit to save the world, probably something bizarre to talk about when I rejoin the interview circuit :)

How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do I have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you Love

Dear Life,
How far do I have to go to get to you? Why can't I enjoy my twenties? Why do I want to be 40 more than anything? Does it really get easier? Sorry for all the questions, but I mean you were pie until now. Any chance of someone just picking me up and telling what I am supposed to do, where I am supposed to be? Where's the syllabus? I'll be sitting by my the mailbox, so you know, just send me the miles and I'll be happy to follow you.
Yours in impatient admiration,
.tina.